Dating!!! To have and to hold...but not too tight because it burns!
In speaking with Sklya, I wondered about how psoriasis sufferers feel about dating other psoriasis sufferers. The comfort level of having someone that gets me is appealing but would I be limiting myself if that were the deciding factor? Many members have significant others who are non-sufferers. I've never dated another person with Psoriasis (Mainly because I'm the only one with it here...Or so it seems:) I wonder the pros and cons. Of course, having children by two people with psoriasis increases the propensity for bearing a child with the disease and you have double the vacuuming duty but the flip side is: you don't have to turn off the lights, they know exactly what you're going through and you are that much stronger in the fight. I'm not really sure how I feel about that...Thoughts?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Cindy Foe on -
Oh wow....I have always thought dating someone with psoriasis would be perfect...like you I always thought....Hum....this person would know everything I’m going through...this person would join me in making the right treatment decisions because they would know exactly what to do since they had it.....well I never dated someone with it...I married someone without psoriasis when I was 19.....he never understood me nor did he ever want to....he would refuse to let me buy short sleeve shirts...I didn’t even own a pair of shorts...We never did anything sexual in the daylight hours..he would refuse to tae me out in public when my flare up couldn’t be covered up....I felt like a prisoner in my own body...I felt like my psoriasis was my fault and I deserved to be taken out of the public (except t work).....this went on for 6 long horrible years till our divorce....I was again left with that idea of a perfect match for me...someone with psoriasis....someone who would go out in public with me and protect me from people making fun of my psoriasis covered body....well that didn’t happen...I date a couple of men that pretended not to care about my psoriasis...but I got that feeling with them that I could never be comfortable around them...like they wouldn’t protect me from rude people in public....those were all short lived relationships....then came Fred...Words can not express how this man makes me feel…before I even told him about my psoriasis he had already found out when I added him to my Myspace page….I had it there…he read it and didn’t know what it was….so he Googled it…..so when I finally did work up enough nerve to tell him I did so through a text message so I wouldn’t have to hear nor feel that rejection I had become accustom to….So while I’m sitting in my dermatologists office I sent him the text….he responded “I know all about it and I still think you are perfect”….I actually shed a few tears sitting right there in the wait room….Fred has been the rock in my life for almost a year now….We have been through so much in that year…From me almost dying….him sitting by my side in the hospital for 6 weeks….to the in and out of hospital stays for my severe psoriasis…he is the one to find this site….he is the one that continues to make sure I keep strong and that I keep going….What I think I’m getting at here is….it doesn’t matter if you date someone with psoriasis or not….it is all in how they treat you...how they try their best to understand what you go through…it is how they love you in a way no one else on earth ever could…its how they love to look at you…when you are 95% covered and when you are 100% clear….its how they show you off in public (even with psoriasis every where on your body, and in my case without hair)….its how they make you feel about yourself…I say find a great loving devoted man and it doesn’t matter if he has psoriasis as long as he is willing to understand and be there for you, and that he supports and joins you in your fight to overcome this rotten disease….I know I rambled too much on this but I have thought the same as you many many times….and once Fred came into my life I questioned myself on why I ever accepted anyone less than someone like him….I hope you find your great guy soon….psoriasis or no psoriasis…..Its all about unbreakable love and unshakeable faith….Good Luck!!!
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Permalink Reply by Sharicka Long on -
Cindy,
I can tell that you are a very lucky lady but he's a lucky guy, as well:) Your relationship is inspiring for me as I'm sure it is for others. It's cute that he already knew all about it:) I was telling one of my friends and he expressed that he could see it but it wasn't that big a deal. What is your biggest issue with your psoriasis? Mine is the discoloration...I wish I could just be one color:) I tend to put this huge wall up and guys see it as a challenge...Not realizing that it's my defense mechanism. They think I'm tough but I'm really just a faberge egg (don't tell anyone...It's what gets me through).
Cindy Foe said:Oh wow....I have always thought dating someone with psoriasis would be perfect...like you I always thought....Hum....this person would know everything I’m going through...this person would join me in making the right treatment decisions because they would know exactly what to do since they had it.....well I never dated someone with it...I married someone without psoriasis when I was 19.....he never understood me nor did he ever want to....he would refuse to let me buy short sleeve shirts...I didn’t even own a pair of shorts...We never did anything sexual in the daylight hours..he would refuse to tae me out in public when my flare up couldn’t be covered up....I felt like a prisoner in my own body...I felt like my psoriasis was my fault and I deserved to be taken out of the public (except t work).....this went on for 6 long horrible years till our divorce....I was again left with that idea of a perfect match for me...someone with psoriasis....someone who would go out in public with me and protect me from people making fun of my psoriasis covered body....well that didn’t happen...I date a couple of men that pretended not to care about my psoriasis...but I got that feeling with them that I could never be comfortable around them...like they wouldn’t protect me from rude people in public....those were all short lived relationships....then came Fred...Words can not express how this man makes me feel…before I even told him about my psoriasis he had already found out when I added him to my Myspace page….I had it there…he read it and didn’t know what it was….so he Googled it…..so when I finally did work up enough nerve to tell him I did so through a text message so I wouldn’t have to hear nor feel that rejection I had become accustom to….So while I’m sitting in my dermatologists office I sent him the text….he responded “I know all about it and I still think you are perfect”….I actually shed a few tears sitting right there in the wait room….Fred has been the rock in my life for almost a year now….We have been through so much in that year…From me almost dying….him sitting by my side in the hospital for 6 weeks….to the in and out of hospital stays for my severe psoriasis…he is the one to find this site….he is the one that continues to make sure I keep strong and that I keep going….What I think I’m getting at here is….it doesn’t matter if you date someone with psoriasis or not….it is all in how they treat you...how they try their best to understand what you go through…it is how they love you in a way no one else on earth ever could…its how they love to look at you…when you are 95% covered and when you are 100% clear….its how they show you off in public (even with psoriasis every where on your body, and in my case without hair)….its how they make you feel about yourself…I say find a great loving devoted man and it doesn’t matter if he has psoriasis as long as he is willing to understand and be there for you, and that he supports and joins you in your fight to overcome this rotten disease….I know I rambled too much on this but I have thought the same as you many many times….and once Fred came into my life I questioned myself on why I ever accepted anyone less than someone like him….I hope you find your great guy soon….psoriasis or no psoriasis…..Its all about unbreakable love and unshakeable faith….Good Luck!!!
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Permalink Reply by Vickie Largin on -
I would just love to date someone that understands. I am tired of rejection or fear that I am contagious once a date sees my hands or feet
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Permalink Reply by Sharicka Long on
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Hi Vickie,
This psoriasis bit is a hard gig, for sure. Have you ever tried being up front about what you have before they see it? This way you both know that there's a big elephant in the room and can move on. I think the rejection is mostly about them not knowing what it is that you have. The first response I get is, "is it contagious?" People are concerned about their well-being, as they should be. I think you should try that. In letting my daughter's father know what I had (and I hope not to offend) I told him that I had a chronic STD before telling him that I had psoriasis...I was hoping to lessen the blow and I did...He was so relieved that at least he wouldn't live a life with herpes. Ok, I SOOOOOOOOOO wouldn't advise that but it worked for me! This forum is full of gentleman, some single, who would understand! They had a psoriasis dating site a while back but this is where you need to be to stay connected to people who are genuinely concerned about you and about finding a cure. It's nice to have a forum built on understanding. I love that I can talk to someone who, for sure, KNOWS what I am going through. It's nice to get things off of your chest. You also have to realize that those guys that went running of were not worth your time to begin with. I think most of us developed a greater sense of understanding and became less shallow when hit with the P! For one reason or another God felt we could handle it:)
When I first got diagnosed with Psoriasis, my boyfriend who was dropdead gorgeous, supported me and wanted me. He was scared for me and had my mom and dad come up. I was ready to commit suicide. I hated everything about me at that point. I'm surprised my tear ducts didn't dry up! He loved me in spite of it all. I ended up leaving him for a loser. The point I'm trying to make is that someone is going to love you for all that you are. He'll be the only one worthy of your time.
Vickie Largin said:I would just love to date someone that understands. I am tired of rejection or fear that I am contagious once a date sees my hands or feet
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Permalink Reply by phat on -
hi Vickie
don't be afraid to meet people...i also felt what you feel ....i'm scared of dating because of rejection...but i met a guy who accepted me and loved me despite and in spite of everything....i was 95% covered last year not just my hand and feet but my whole body even my face has it....(imagine what my look that time!!!!!)....but i never feel the insecurities...why?....because i feel his love and care for me...he travel 3hrs just to visit me in our home and another 3hrs way back to his home....
cite>Vickie Largin said:I would just love to date someone that understands. I am tired of rejection or fear that I am contagious once a date sees my hands or feet
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Permalink Reply by Fred Foe on -
I know this may not mean much coming from someone without psoriasis, but i felt compelled to send a little advice from my side of the fence. A year ago i didn't even know what psoriasis was, had never even heard the word used before. Then by some miracle i met Cindy online, after several days of all night conversations and swapping myspace addresses i was reading her about me box when i notice it said she suffered from psoriasis. Being the internet junky i am, i immediately googled the word and was surprised at what i found. The images were both disturbing and heart breaking to know that this person who i had grown extremely strong feelings for was suffering with this. Without hesitation i planned on what i would say to her the first time i saw her or the first time she told me she had psoriasis. After about a week of txting and calling and messaging online i finally convinced her to meet me, she had a dr.'s appointment near me and we set up a place to meet. The day before we met (in an attempt to weasel out...lol) she told me she had psoriasis, not knowing that i already knew about the disease. I assured her that it was not an issue and she was still perfect in my eyes. After meeting and getting over the whole awkward i have only known you for a week and a half and i already fell hard for you, i promise i am not a stalker phase...lol. I think she knew my intensions were real and my feelings for her could not be strayed because of her psoriasis. Not long after we became very serious and moved in together, she was still very shy and timid when it came to letting me see the psoriasis on her body. I still to this day wake up every morning and remind her (despite her denial) that she is the most beautiful, most amazing woman i have ever met. Shortly after thanksgiving she became very sick and we were in the hospital several times with nausea and stomach cramps from the pain her psoriasis was causing. After the first of the year a dr. who will remain unnamed decided to completely screw up a outpatient gallbladder removal and land us in the hospital for 6 weeks with over 95% of her body covered by psoriasis. I started doing some research on my own about psoriasis treatments and support. It was then that i stumbled upon the site and showed Cindy that it was ok to show what this disease has done to her. After posting the then current pictures of herself i immediately received a message from Michael Paranzino telling me that he didn't know how she was living with her body covered like this and that i needed to seek medical attention immediately. We followed his advice and after being completely degraded by a so called skin guru (more like a over paid plastic surgeon). We again went to the hospital that finally led to a treatment (remicade) that is currently working for us. I guess after extensive rambling i am just trying to say that you need to be yourself and don't be afraid to approach someone you like. If they are the one for you they will embrace you (gently) and love you for all that you are. If you have any questions, or just need someone to talk to Cindy and i would be glad to help you any way we can. Just remember that you are an amazing person and this is not a weakness, but a strength.
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Permalink Reply by Patsy Wessinger on -
Fred,
Ok, I am a little emotional today, dealing with the pain. I sat and read this post an just had a good cry. You are a amazing man, what a gift you to came into Cindy's life. I also have a supportive husband and it means the world to me to have him. This disease a daily struggle and I could not imagine dealing with it alone.
God Bless you,
Patsy
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Permalink Reply by Patsy Wessinger on
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Sharicka,
It's the beauty on the inside that shines through, when someone is attracted to that the skins doesn't matter.
May God Bless
Patsy
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