Health issues and my life and my mother!

I always just wanted to be "normal"...like my friends, my sister and just didnt have to be the one go out of the way to live. gosh well my life always has been more difficult than the next person, well thats how i feel. i m sure there are people in this world with more worst and really severe health issues. but i just want to take this moment for myself and vent and i dont want to be grammatically correct either. sorry, i m totally out of it and i m just blabbing...!!!!

I always have been over weight, so lets not even go there and the taunt i have had to live with. i always streess a lot, i over think, then in 10th grade i found out i was tired and was so freakin sleepy cause i m diabetic. okayyyy then i found out i have PCOS, okay then i found out i have eczema which turned into psoriasis, then i found out i have psoriatic arthritis. WELL,..its been really difficult to deal WITH ALL THIS BY THE TIME I AM ONLY 20 something. when all my friends were going out and enjoying life...i had to be pulled out of school almost every week for doctor visits!!! when kids are in highschool...they dont really know about or even care about these issues i tell you.

well i just felt left out and on top of that i have parents who care wayyyy too much and that can be suffocating i tell you. i know, i know thats dumb to say but my mother is always on my case and blames me that i didnt take care of myself and thats why i am sick and i m being dealt with all these health problems. WELL...i was just a normal teenager...i stayed up...i wanted to be with friends...i wanted a bf...WELL u know at the end i guess none of my so called friends actually cared, umm i stayed up for no reason...and I never even had a real relationship until my 3rd year of college. soooooooooooo gosh i now wish that man what if i had just done what i should have. but then again i think, i was just a teenager...i was just in highschool...what did i know about anything and didnt even want to deal with the fact that i was sooo sick. all i wanted was a normal life where i would be able to do everything that other kids/college people were doing. blahhh!!

when i entered college, life FREAKING BECAME MORE DIFFICULT. my psa started acting up more than EVER. but i still kept going...but my school performance suffered, my soooo called social life was gone...but i still just kept pushing myself...and my mother was behind me...just telling me to stop everything...give up everything and just become totally home bound...stop caring about boys...and not have friends and just be home and diet and blah blah!! gosh i didnt listen cause I WANTED A NORMAL LIFE.

now because of simponi...since i have developed pustular psoriasis...my LIFE IS HELL. MY LIFE IS COMPLETELY HELL. like no other. now since i m dependent on my parents completely it sucks...THEY DOOOOO SOOO MUCH FOR ME...they HAVE BEEN THERE FOR ME COMPLETELY...butttt when u r dependent on someone completely u have to listen to them...so now my parents are against me taking any drugs...so they took me to see an indian ayurvedic doctor...and now i m not suppose to eat ANYTHING but just one kind of lentil and only cooked green/leafy veggies. WELL GOSH I M one of those people who love their breakfast...even since i became sick and my carcadian rythm is totally messed up...i wake up at 2 pm and still have my cereal...but I CANT EAT anything. my mom is adament that i will be completely cured on this new regime and with these herbal meds!!!! I JUST CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. I WANT A NORMAL LIFE WHERE I DONT HAVE TO GO OUT OF MY WAY TO JUST BE ABLE TO LIVE. darn it!!! and my mom is always blaming me that i m sick because of all the things i have done...but to me...i havent done anything but just try to be a "normal girl"!! who likes being over weight but with PCOS its always been extraaaa difficult to lose weight and diabetes or psoriasis did not help my situation!!! i remember when i didnt have these things...i fractured my ankle while dancing for my choir...i got my eye scratched while playing bball and then got hit while playing vball!!! thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn....i did not chose to be sick....idk i cant make my mother understand that how i feelt while i was in my teens and now that i m in my 20s...i still cant make her understand!! so yah okay i m done!!!

Thank you for reading my venting...totally just venting...! thanks!!!