Sadness fills my heart……

I feel the need to write this….I have always used the blog on here as a release…I have learned if I bottle things up and don’t let them go them my psoriasis and my attitude will be effected….so to keep that from happening I will blog about my sadness…..

I was diagnosed with psoriasis when I was barely 13…..I went to Vanderbilt Hospital and waited in a waiting room for over 8 hours to see a doctor I heard was wonderful with kids and could really get things under control for me……Once he saw me he started talking about all these treatments that frankly scared me…..I was used to having psoriasis (diagnosed) for a week or so…..I was used to creams and itching and people making fun of me…and for this doctor who just met me to be talking about UVB and head treatments and sticking my head into a thing that was like a dishwasher scared the shit out of me….He personally walked me over to Phototherapy……were I met three people who would change my life…..Barbara, Beverly and Stephanie…..Barbara would be my nurse over there that would help me understand and cope with learning to live with psoriasis….Beverly, who was knows as the “Scalp Queen” would be a friend someone to listen to me whine about everything…who would keep my chin up….who would sing to me and tell me about her family….(we are both huge family people)…..and Stephanie was the one to check me in and talk to me about everything like I didn’t have psoriasis…..Everyday a different family member would pick me up from school at lunch time…and would drive me the hour and a half to get to Vandy Phototherapy….they would all go in the room with me for my head treatments because everyone loved to hear what Beverly would say and do or sing that day……These gals became so important in my life….I saw them more than my friends….they understood everything I was going through as a teenager with psoriasis…..

When I turned 17, I stopped going to Vandy Phototherapy and got my own UVB booth at home and learned how to do a half way decent head treatment at home…..I still went to visit my gals at Vandy a few times a year until I had my own children…They past Five years I have only seen my Vandy gals once or twice….but I have never forgotten anything that any of them had done for me…….

Wednesday I went to visit them…..I found out their center had moved out of the hospital and down the street….Even though we were pushed for time in Nashville Fred encouraged me to go…..I have always told him I wanted him to meet them…..So off we go…wow….their new place is amazing….I walked in to see Barbara sitting at her computer…I had just told Fred…I bet they wont even notice me since I have changed so much lately….The very moment she saw me she stood up shouted my name and hugged me……I couldn’t stop smiling….She remembered me out of all those thousands of people she has treated….She remembered ME……I couldn’t believe it….we talked and I got to introduce her to the amazing Fred……that made me so happy….Then I asked where Beverly was….she held up one finger….went in her office came out with a memorial paper and a box of tissues….my heart sank as I knew what she was about to say……she told me that Beverly wasn’t with us anymore…..She fought Cancer for 2 years and lost the battle in October 2009 in her sleep….I cried, which I'm not a fan of doing in front of people…..this made me so sad that I had to change the subject….we continued to talk about the PCN walk and how she was going to come and she told me she wanted to introduce me to someone…The president of the DNA (Dermatology Nursing Association)….I talked to her for a few minutes and she asked me to come share my story at the meeting on April 20^th, so I’m super excited about that…..we stood and talked about the old days for over an hour….when we left there I felt a sadness I couldn’t get to go away……

When Fred and I got home we looked Barbara up on Face book and added her….as I’m looking through her pictures I see a picture of Beverly and I start to cry all over…seeing her face made me miss her terribly….I looked and saw where the picture was added by a group called….”Beverly Lynn Webb Touched My Life” …..She was an amazing woman….just AMAZING!!!!!! I looked at pictures and cried uncontrollably….I was just so sad!!!!! So sad that I hadn’t visited more often….So sad that such an amazing person had to go through that horrible battle….

I am dealing a little bit better today….I think yesterday was dealing with the shock of just a strong woman not being with us anymore…made me realize once again how fragile life is and how we should strive to touch as many lives as Beverly did…..

I just felt the need to blog this because I had such a huge bond with these three ladies…you never know how much you bond with the people that take care of you and help you through a hard time…..it is amazing….I thank God for Beverly and all she did for me when I was a patient…I will miss her dearly…My friend…my scalp queen…the magic fingers…he songs…her voice…her stories…and her laughter…..

Sorry to keep this so long…I just had to blog it to deal with it…thanks for listening….

:-)