To think, or not to think!

Since I was diagnosed with this, I have been really trying not to think of my life. I have been just trying to take one day at a time. and just not think at all! But at time now its getting to me so badly. I am always up till almost noon then i sleep during the day. I tried to change my sleep schedule but when i woke up all alone in my room, i just didnt see the point of being up at all. i wait for my mom to get home. Last few days have been more challanging than before, I am sooooo, sooooooo, soooooooooooo, itchy that taking antihistamines did not help at all. IT DIDNT DO ANYTHING. i went to sleep around 10 something in the morning. and my psoriasis is spreading little by little. I have new patches all over my body now, and I am just sooo, very scared that what if it spreads all over my by completely. My hair is also falling so much...its amazing that i have any left on my head because of methotrexate! Sorry if you are actually reading this because i just had to vent. I dont want to seem weak front of my family because i dont want them to fall weak. I am trying soo much to be strong for my parents and my hubby. Sometimes my mom says that you dont complain...well i guess i whine but not as much since i try to become indifferent when the situation is out of my control. I am still on the herbal pills. I am still waiting to hear from my nurse. Frankly, she is irritating me. because of her mistake i am still not on the new med. I want to get well so badly. This will be my first spring break when i wont be able to fly awayyyyy some where. Every year my dad has been taking us to different places for our spring break, it has been our family vacation time. this was to be my first family vacation with the hubby, but i dont think i can fly much. I have become soooo short tempered, and just so mean i think because i am tired of being home all the time and just not being able to have a schedule. I had learned over the years how to deal with psoriasis and never let it stop my life, but with pustular psoriasis, it seems like my life is still and everyone is passing me by. before i knew now i dont know anything and what will happen the next day. I dont know if i will get more sick or if i will get better or what will happen. sometimes i feel so sad when i see my hubby, its like because of me our sooo called newly married life didnt get to start. God, life has changed completely. Sorry to vent like this. but i feel sooo sad, just so sad. and so irritated at the same time..

thank you if you read this and got this far. :-) hope everyone is feeling well.